He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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