I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
