i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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