You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
