Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
