If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize