but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
