Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
