arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
