Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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