I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
