He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
