you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
