i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
