WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
