I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
