She's JV to your varsity
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
