I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's blow job season.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
