i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
