he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
