My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
