So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
