i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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