Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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