We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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