sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
