and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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