I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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