My liver just broke up with me...
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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