mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
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