it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
