Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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