We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
