Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
