So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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