porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
