apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
