After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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