some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
