all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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