meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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