If i come over, it means nothing
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
