your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
