when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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