you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
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it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
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No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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