make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
