so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
