My friends, they love my intelligence
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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