i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
me + whiskey = a bad person
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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