I am puke
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
