Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
