Don't make out with my wife yet
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
