i just had sex bonerless
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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