to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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