speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
