We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize