He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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