Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
