It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
