I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
