Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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