Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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