We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
