hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
