We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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