I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He passed out mid-signature
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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