i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
