There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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