Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
and she was petting her beer can
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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