Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
What a dumb baby whore.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I think I just sharted jello shots
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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