Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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