can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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