quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
you had me at cake vodka
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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