the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I wish you could order shots online.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
