I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
