WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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