Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
