I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
