sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
