wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
