You can't special order awesome
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
