definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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