so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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