I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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