I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
