If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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