The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
All I want is dick and wine.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
