I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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