butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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